haha. it's history repeating its fucking self. and i just laugh because this is the THIRD fucking time that i fell for it. not once, not twice but THREE FUCKING TIMES. well to put it simply, again he took me for a ride but this time it's worse because i think i involved myself too much, and i was too vulnerable. well look what happened? it was expected i guess, but i just didnt expect things to end so soon.
well im trying to look at things from the brighter side, from a more positive side and i refuse, absolutely refuse to mope around the house cos he's just not worth it. and i was thinking maybe this is a sign that he'll only do more harm than good to me. so i should be glad that at least this relationship (if you even think it's a normal one) ended now then nearer my common tests, or prelims or A levels.
im not angry with him, okay fine maybe i am a little. but since 2 of his friends told him to stay away from me, and since i guess this never meant to work out anyway im glad things ended now. i was investing too much time, emotions and energy into this. and i stupidly baked brownies for him yesterday since he complained that i didnt bake stuff for him. haha at least the distraction's gone, and all i have to do is just study my ass off. for the rest of the fucking year.
come on, i know im worth more than this. and really, it's his fucking loss. not that i think im great or anything, but i just know what kinda fucked up character he has. and from this experience, all i hope is to be stronger, to realise that not everyone in this world is nice, and to not be so gullible and naive in the future.
the memories still linger, and he's still in my thoughts maybe every single damn moment. but im gonna get through this. i know i can. can you believe it i liked him so much that i didnt mind sharing him with someone else. lol really how screwed up can i get. and hahaha get this: he made a promise that he'll marry his girlfriend. well knowing the andrew that i know, if it actually does happen i'll be america's next top model.
and you know that friendship doesnt just stay at friendship, (god i hate that fucking word. it's overrated) i could jolly well make do with one less person in my life. so all this might just do me good.
i bet yall can tell im just trying to convince myself and it's actually working. ok im gonna go mug at gardens already. im gonna get through this. i know i can, and i have to.